Twas the night before Christmas and defence lawyers were defiant,
No one wanted to miss billing a corporate client;
Potential class action briefs were hung by the entrance with care,
In the hopes that saints Strosberg, Koskies, or Siskinds soon would be there;
The associates sat smug in their Harry Rosen suits,
With visions of annual bonuses, they prepared for their moots;
Justices Perell in his robes and Belobaba in his cap,
Waiting for Merchant Law Group to raise a big flap;
When out of the blue arose such a clatter.
Chief Justice Strathy jumped up to see what was the matter;
“Line up the judges,” he yelled with a grin,
A class action is coming and someone will win;
A carriage motion arose, came in like a flash,
Eight plaintiff law firms competing for cold, hard cash;
The fight was settled, but the war was not won,
A certification motion beckoned, come on everyone!
Alas, alas, not wanting to be outdone,
The defence law firms lined up one by one;
They jockeyed for position and sought out their clients,
The best firms of all, they landed the giants;
On Torys, on Norton, on McCarthys, and Blakes,
On Oslers, on Stikemans, no prisoners will we take!
There was Peebles, Sutton, Jackson, and Block,
Zarnett, D’Silva, and Kay made a high-priced flock;
Defend, defend because that’s what we do,
Deny all their claims — they should not sue;
Statute barred, no reliance, that’s what we say,
Our clients are innocent, alas let us pray;
The plaintiffs fight back with all of their might.
Lascaris, Rochon, and Baert put up a valiant fight;
Clever arguments they raise not to be outdone,
The judges will listen to pretty much every one;
With 30 per cent in fees sitting at stake,
No far-reaching argument is too much to make;
Negligence, non-disclosure are only a few,
Products’ liability and breach of privacy, too;
The battle raged on, the motions they flew,
The arguments were piercing, but nobody knew;
The Supreme Court sat waiting to spoil all the fun,
With mixed rulings in Green favouring virtually no one;
Undaunted, counsel returned to their offices with fright,
No more billables for all, at least not for tonight;
Tomorrow, however, spawns a new day,
Plaintiff lawyers seeking justice will surely show the way;
The torts they will fly and arguments will spill,
The Wild West of class suits gives everyone a thrill;
As Christmas approaches, please pause from your fight,
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Enjoy the holidays and we’ll see you in 2016.
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.
