Know about the peculiarities of grey divorces, and how can lawyers assist clients who undergo these separations at a later stage in their life
When we talk about divorce, we usually think of couples who are still young and healthy but wanting to break free from the bond of marriage. However, there is a rise of what we call grey divorces that involve older couples separating ways, even after a long-term marriage.
On the side of legal professionals, it helps to know how this kind of divorce can be handled, and if there are special legal considerations to take note of. In this article, we’ll discuss these matters, along with some insights from experts who have already dealt with a grey divorce.
What does grey divorces mean?
Grey divorce can refer either to divorces among couples aged 50 years and older, or those whose marriages before divorce reached up to decades long or more. In other words, grey divorces occur when married couples who are in a long-term marriage decided to split up in their later years. It may be just a few years before their retirement, or even after one or both have already retired.
From a legal perspective, here’s a podcast that explores grey divorces in Canada:
If you need help with your case that involves grey divorce, consulting with an expert in family law can be helpful. You can use this directory from Lexpert, one of our sister publications, on the best Lexpert-ranked family lawyers in Ontario.
Statistics on grey divorces
According to data released in 2022 by Statistics Canada (StatCan), there has been a steady rise in the average age at divorce in the country since the 1970s until 2020. From the average age of divorce at 38 years old in 1970, it has risen to 46 years old by 2020. Meanwhile, the average duration of marriage at divorce is 15 years by 2020, which has not changed drastically since 1970.
In addition, StatCan revealed that over the last thirty years (1991-2020), age-specific divorce rates:
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- fell for young adults (35 to 49 years old age group)
- but rose slightly for older adults (50 to 64 years old age group)
Divorce rates have decreased for all age groups during the pandemic. However, grey divorces have become stable throughout the years due to the “arrival of the baby-boom cohort into this age group.”
Out of all the data, we can infer that:
- grey divorces are here to stay, especially when the population continues to age, i.e., the millennials will soon replace the baby boomers in the older age groups
- at some point, a family lawyer may have to deal with a grey divorce since it cannot be considered as just an isolated case anymore
- while a global crisis (e.g., COVID-19 pandemic) has stalled people from having a divorce, it has not stopped them from entirely getting it
What are the causes of a grey divorce?
When working on a grey divorce, it’s important to first understand the reasons why couples who have been married for decades want to separate. This will help counsels understand the whole situation and develop some strategies to guide clients throughout the process. It also applies to other professionals, such as a financial divorce specialist, who are part of the couples’ support group.
Below are just some of the common causes of grey divorces:
Empty nest syndrome
When the kids leave to study, work, or raise their own family, the home becomes an ‘empty nest,’ and this can create an emotional toll on the parents. An emotional rollercoaster of feeling lonely, sad, and even grief — in addition to the detriments of becoming old — can result in an empty nest syndrome.
So how does this lead to grey divorces? When slowly falling into the syndrome, couples may find that they really have no connection aside from child rearing. In some cases, the empty nest surprisingly becomes an opportunity to pursue a person’s wants, which may not be the same for the other partner.
Financial problems
Years of built-up financial problems may lead to divorces later in life. Difficulties in earning for the family can lead a person to conclude that it’s time to spend for oneself without the guilt of becoming selfish; hence, a grey divorce occurs.
Another factor in financial disagreements is also the empty nest itself. Where money is just focused on the kids before, an abundance of it (or lack thereof) later in life becomes a recurring unsolved problem for the grey couple. Shifting life priorities among the couple may also contribute to their financial problems.
Reduced stigma on divorce
The word divorce can strike the ears of the people decades ago in a very negative way; it’s a taboo, and couples having it are shamed, even before the proceedings start. While this is still true for some to this day, there came over time a level of acceptance for divorce and the couple have already separated.
The thing is that couples who may have wanted to part ways long ago get the courage to do so only later in life. While this may come as a shock to the children, some couples have accepted this fact long ago.
What are the pros and cons of grey divorces?
Divorces that happen later in life can have unique legal challenges. Some of these include proximity to retirement, life insurance, and whether or not grown children participate in the proceedings.
This video briefly explains some of the pros and cons of grey divorces, which couples and their lawyers should be able to navigate:
Need help from lawyers within the province regarding grey divorces? You can also use this Special Report on the Top Law Firms in Ontario from Canadian Lawyer Magazine, another sister publication of ours.
We’ll discuss more on grey divorce’s pros and cons below.
Pros: a more predictable future
When couples are older, the future is often more predictable, which can make for an easier separation, Georgina Carson said. She is currently a partner at Partner at Carson Chousky Lein LLP in Toronto. “If they’re at or near retirement, we know what the future holds, more or less.” She added that this certainty can mean that finances are easier to separate and for it to be done all at once, rather than face a review or variation by the courts in the future.
Pros: no issue on parenting arrangements
Previously called child custody, parenting arrangements are now a non-issue in grey divorces, compared to younger couples going through divorce. Carson said that most grey divorces deal with situations where children are grown up. This eliminates custody and access issues — one of the most intractable areas of family law. “When there are adult children, they may need to talk to each other about weddings and grandchildren, but it really is much easier to effect a clean break and have some real closure.”