When they say, “You’re going to the big house,” we thought that meant you have to stay there until your time is up. But not in this effete country anymore - apparently if you become too big to fit into the house you get sprung early.
At least that’s what happened to one Michel “Big Mike” Lapointe whose enormous girth was his ‘get out of jail early’ card. To put it bluntly: the guy ate his way out of custody.
As regular readers might expect, this one is weighing heavily upon us, because it seems size does matter - at least inside the hoosegow.
Big Mike wasn’t supposed to get out until February 2009, but the Quebec Parole Board granted him early release from Montreal’s Bordeaux Jail, saying, “You have been held for more than 25 months and the conditions you’re serving in are difficult because of your state of health.”
Translation: you get out early due to issues arising from living in a jail made for smaller felons, many of whom are now pouring on the gravy in a rigorous bulking up regime.
To wit: Craig Jones of the John Howard Society of Canada told the Globe and Mail that Big Mike’s case is the first time he’s heard of an inmate seeking special treatment because of his weight, but he doesn’t think it will be the last. And his tongue was not in his cheek.
The board also cited Big Mike’s good behaviour - although isn’t that implied within the very nature of his complaint? - and the support of his wife and mother, the latter of which we’re sure nobody from the criminal bar has ever heard before.
But this isn’t the first time Big Mike’s size has been on the table. When he was sentenced in May after pleading guilty to drug trafficking, conspiracy, and gangsterism charges, the judge reduced his sentence by six months because of the weight-related difficulties he experienced during his 20 months of pretrial custody.
That means, by our calculations, nine months were carved from what he really should have served. The problem with this sort of thing is that good news spreads like wildfire on the jailhouse grapevine; the concept could become a well-cooked con.
“In the end, some might say he got off easy,” his lawyer Clemente Monterosso told the Globe. Gee, ya think? Wonder what his drug customers and their families have to say; those are hard-core charges so we’re not talking about Bambi here.
“But he didn’t choose to be morbidly obese. This man is a colossus.” Well, nobody was calling him Tiny Mike back when he was nabbed either. . . . He stepped in tipping the scales at 375 pounds and various news reports now pin him anywhere from 430 to 450 pounds. Some would say, ‘If you can’t do the time. . . .’
“His health deteriorated in detention from lack of exercise, bad prison food, and poor sleep,” Monterosso said, adding the grub was greasy.
Among the things adding to Big Mike’s suffering was a mattress about a foot too narrow for his girth; he couldn’t jam his legs under the prison tables at mealtimes; and the chairs didn’t hold his back properly. What a hellhole. Isn’t this jail?
Adding to his difficulties: Big Mike was turned down by two halfway houses because they didn’t have room for someone of his stature, which begs the question, why isn’t there a fullway house?
Upon his release, Big Mike pulled on a cigarette and told Le Journal de Montreal, “Finally, I’ll have a real bed and a chair to sit on.
“Finally it’s over,” he further told Le Journal. “I want a normal life. I made some mistakes and I paid for them.” Well, actually, not fully, that being the point.
After he was sentenced, Big Mike’s mom told Canadian Press, “Happily the judge’s decision yesterday was good, thanks for that, and I hope it will bear fruit.”
Meanwhile, Big Mike has filed a complaint with the Quebec Human Rights Commission. Speaking of bearing fruit.
“His rights were violated because he wasn’t given the tools to rehabilitate himself,” Monterosso said. “He deserved to be treated with dignity and humanity.”
That’s true. So, rather than cutting his sentence, they should’ve ponied up for decent furniture for this man; nobody should be forced to live like that and it’s not as if there won’t be someone else coming down the pipe to use it.
It’s the cost of a bed and chair vs. taxpayers coughing up for the human rights body to deal with this, plus Big Mike’s inevitable cash parting gift from them. And, if the grub is as alleged, they should also reconsider the menu, even though, yes, the current fare is probably cheaper.
But really, letting people out of jail early for things like this is a slippery slope. What’s next: give a serial killer $6,000 in pain and suffering damages because his prison-issue sneakers were the wrong size and he hurt his knee?
Oh yeah. We do that too in Canada.
- Gretchen Drummie
