Everyone put on their tinfoil hats and stare deeply at the paper - this one’s about mind control. Full disclosure: we’re writing this in our jammies, on a typewriter from an undisclosed location below the Earth’s crust.
According to a Nanaimo Daily News story, Jerry Rose is seeking $2 billion in damages from Microsoft, Telus, Wal-Mart, the RCMP, the University of B.C., and the B.C. College of Physicians and Surgeons. Why? Well, he alleges brainwave control, satanic rituals, and witchcraft, of course.
But here’s the best part: a Nanaimo judge declined to bite on the invitation of five lawyers to toss the case.
According to the story the lawyers argued it was so out there it should be dismissed. What’s their problem? This sounds like just another day at work.
But turning serious for a moment, huh? You read it right: the judge didn’t chuck it out of court.
The claim says that Rose has been “subject to invasive brain computer interface technology, research, experiments, field studies, and surgery.”
But the Daily News further reports that Microsoft lawyer Jennifer Millbank said the claim doesn’t provide details on how or when the defendants may have caused Rose harm.
She is quoted as saying Rose’s two page statement of claim is “nothing short of bizarre,” and it would be “impossible this would ever be a case for trial on the merits.”
Justice Fraser Wilson countered that while indeed the case is “certainly an unusual one,” he felt he needed to be convinced there was nothing in the claim that could be litigated, says the Daily News.
Millbank forged ahead, noting there’s no scientific evidence to prove brain control is even possible. “I think this is akin to someone saying they sustained injuries because their boat fell off the edge of the world . . . My clients ought not to be subjected to what is a nuisance lawsuit.”
Neither should the taxpayers.
Wilson, the Daily News said, noted the case of a CIA-sponsored experiment at McGill University from 1957 to 1964 in which people were given LSD without consent. But Millbank argued that in this instance there are no material facts a court could act upon; she said Microsoft had no direct contact with Rose.
Meanwhile, the story says Rose read a statement alleging the mind control is ongoing with “brain-drain technologies” under the RCMP and tactics to shut down his lawsuit.
And he said he wants $2 billion because some computer technology that he invented was stolen. “I’m not a lawyer, but I have proof,” he said. Of what, life on Jupiter?
Well, we turn to another B.C. pop culture icon, the X-Files, for direction. The truth is out there. (We kinda want to know more about the satanic ritual allegations.)
Someone take control of this thing and send it to outer space.
- Gretchen Drummie
